AI-generated images are used in this article.
This article is based on our personal experience as a couple.
It is not intended to provide medical or professional advice.
I hope it can be helpful to those in a similar situation, or at least bring a little peace of mind.
After going to the obstetrics clinic in the morning,
I visited my daughter in the afternoon.
We had been told that,
unless there were serious issues like heavy bleeding,
she would be moved from the ICU back to her room by morning.
When I arrived,
she had already returned to her room
and it was just about time for her meal.
Since she had been fasting the day before,
this was her first meal after surgery.
Maybe she was hungry—
as soon as she saw the tray,
she became restless.
I was told to feed her slowly,
so I did.
At first,
she seemed willing to eat,
but gradually,
she started to grimace when swallowing.
She coughed along the way,
and although she tried her best to keep eating,
she ended up vomiting quite a bit.
I quickly pressed the nurse call button,
but before anyone arrived,
the mother in the next bed
immediately handed me wet wipes and tissues.
I was honestly impressed
by how quickly she reacted.
The nurse later told me that
my daughter hadn’t been fussy the entire morning,
so it likely wasn’t severe pain,
but rather that her stomach was surprised,
or that swallowing just felt unfamiliar after the surgery.
She also mentioned
that a pain-relief IV would be given in the evening,
so she might be able to eat dinner.
She also resisted drinking water from a cup,
and when the nurse tried to change her clothes
or check her IV,
she would shake her head side to side in refusal.
In the end,
she couldn’t finish the rest of her meal,
and it was taken away when collection time came.
Since she wasn’t getting enough nutrition,
the IV continued.
After meals,
they used a syringe-like tool
to rinse her mouth with a liquid,
to prevent food from getting stuck in the wound.
If she could drink water, that would be enough,
but since she couldn’t,
this would be used for a while to keep things clean.
After the pain-relief IV,
I held her for a while,
and she fell asleep.
Even with another baby crying loudly nearby,
she didn’t wake at all.
While she was sleeping,
a speech therapist came to talk with me.
After discharge,
there would be a follow-up in about a month.
At that time,
we would schedule another check-up for three months later
and an appointment at the speech clinic.
From there,
if needed,
she would receive guidance on speech development.
After a while, she woke up,
and we played together until dinner time.
We played peekaboo with a cloth book,
and also with a book we brought from home.
One of her hands was wrapped up with the IV,
so it seemed difficult for her to turn the pages.
Maybe because she had rested,
her expressions looked more like they do at home.
As for dinner,
she tried a few bites,
but soon shook her head side to side
and refused.
When I brought a cup of water close,
she would either turn her head away
or push it aside with her arm.
I managed to get her to take just one sip,
and decided that would be enough
to rinse the wound for now.
Around that time,
my husband arrived.
She had been a bit fussy after dinner,
and stayed unsettled for a while.
As bedtime approached,
we struggled to get her to sleep.
Even when she did fall asleep,
the moment we laid her in bed
or raised the bed rails,
she would wake up and cry intensely.
In the end,
we had to leave her with the nurse
and head home.
At home,
she never reacts this way,
but she strongly resisted being held by her dad,
pushing his hands away.
He later said,
“If I could take your place, I would…
but she won’t even let me hold her.
Right now, she only wants you.”
Seeing her there,
inside the bed rails,
shaking her head as if to say,
“No, that’s not it… I want to be held…”
That image stayed in my mind.
And the more I thought about it,
the more it hurt.
I started wondering
if I was doing something terrible.
But since staying overnight wasn’t allowed,
I couldn’t remain at the hospital.
My husband couldn’t take my place either.
What should I have done?
As those thoughts kept circling in my mind,
tears began to fall.
